Lose-Lose? Win-Win!

First things first, to answer your questions that I've been avoiding: Yes we are still homeless. We were kicked out of our house 2 weeks ago due to dangerous living conditions and haven't been able to return yet, pray for us :) Back to the post:

So....I found myself fighting back tears at two different times today for two different reasons.

The first was while I sat in Sacrament meeting. It was testimony meeting and I was loving listening to the testimonies of the people that I have come to adore. I loved feeling of their spirits and having my own testimony strengthened from theirs. We brought along one of our ninas from Puylucana (Katerine-12) who isn’t a member and our dear friend Sandra (15) had just gotten baptized the day before, so already, my heart was pretty full. Then I remembered something that Abby had mentioned the night before. We had stayed up talking about how great our lives were and how much we loved Peru when Abby said, “You know, in less than a month, we’re going to get on one of those buses, ride down the hill and never come back.”

As soon as that thought entered my mind, I seriously had to fight back the tears so as to not look silly in the middle of church, but I can’t tell you how my heart ached as I thought about what I’d be leaving, and more importantly, WHO I’d be leaving. All the people who have simply stolen my heart. All the people who have shown such kindness and charity to these three crazy gringitas. All the people with such amazing faith and confidence who have taught me so much from their examples.

And don’t even get me started on the 40-50 little ninos who I can’t go a whole day without missing like crazy. The ninos who run up to greet us with hugs and kisses when we arrive to work. The ninos who tell me their secrets and tell me they love me at least 10 times a day. The ninos who have so little, but still find the means to make me little gifts or notes. The ninos who climb into my lap, just to be held or have their hair stroked. The ninos who tease me about having boyfriends and not being married, yet tell me that I’m the prettiest girl they know.  A;slkfjdl;ajlfj can you see why I was so torn up about this? The thought of leaving is AWFUL!

Ok ready for tears troubles part two?

It’s 8:00pm on a Sunday night and we’re on our way to watch the CES fireside with Elder Cook. We are ESTATIC because we know that the fireside is being filmed at our dearly, beloved BYU-I center. We knew that we’d get to see President Clark and that alone was FABULOUS!  So we sat and we listened to Elder Cook (Or rather some Spanish speaking voice-over man) speak. We got the gist of what he was saying, but we’ll definitely have to go back and watch it when it comes out in English. Anyways, when the closing song was being sung and the camera was panning over the choir I felt a wave of, “OH my gosh I miss Rexburg!” I thought of my classes, my professors, my friends, my roommates, the dating, the parties, the bonding, the religion classes,  the YSA wards, my callings, the snow, the sledding, the homestead, the pre-school, the walks in the park, the devotionals, being able to understand and agree with everything being taught at church, President and Sue Clark, family home evening groups, relief society activities, ward activities, my siblings, bishoprics, the homestead. Oh my goodness, I just adore Rexburg. SO, SO, SO much. And I miss it, I really do, and I had to fight back the tears yet again. The thought of never going back to all that I left back there is AWFUL!!

So it’s a lose-lose either way I look at it no? Either way I’ll have to leave something I love so, so much. But I guess life is full of things like that. If I would have never left my wonderful home to go to school, I would have never experienced the joys that I’ve found in Rexburg. And if I would’ve never left my dear, dear Rexburg I would have never had these life-changing Peru experiences. And now, in just one month, I must leave what I have come to love for something bigger and better (I hope!).  But gosh it will stink to say good bye.

But then again, there is no way I can look at my life right now and say that I’m in a lose-lose situation. The fact that I have these two places that have special place in my heart is such a blessing. Knowing that I can be happy here or there and probably anywhere, is so awesome! The fact that I had experiences in Peru that have attached me so much to it means that my time here has been so worth my while. I would be concerned if I could leave this place without a second thought. So I’m indeed in a win-win and I can’t even begin to tell you how blessed I feel.